Putting Up With Pyro
by Red Witch
Summary: Set during TSOCL. Pyro is driving Magneto crazy! If you are looking for the meaning of life or something profound, look somewhere else. If you want crazy villian torture, you've come to the right place!


**Once again Pyro has burned another disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters. I just decided to do some long overdue Magneto torture and guess who was my prime candidate to do the job? Takes place around the same time as This Soap Opera Called Life.**

**Putting Up With Pyro**

Hidden in a secret location Magneto the Master of Magnetism was giving an order. "FOR THE LAST TIME PYRO WE ARE NOT GOING TO BREAK MARTHA STEWART OUT OF PRISON AND THAT'S FINAL!"

"But we can't just let her rot in there!" Pyro made a puppy face.

"Pyro…" Magneto was struggling not to lose his temper even more. "In the first place, Martha Stewart is only going to be in jail a mere five months. She won't exactly languish away in there. Second Ms. Stewart as I have told you time and time again is **human!**"

"Are you sure? Did you do a DNA scan of her?" Pyro asked.

"No but I'm pretty sure if she was, we would have heard of it by now," Magneto told him.

"What if she has a less than obvious mutation? Like a photographic memory or something?" Pyro continued. "You wouldn't be able to know then now would you? We don't have anything like Cerebro do we? For all we know she could be a shapeshifter of some kind! It's possible, right?"

"I…suppose," Magneto admitted as he rubbed his forehead.

"That's exactly the point I'm trying to make here!" Pyro said. "And if she is a mutant we can't let her stay behind bars now can we?"

"ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!" Magneto threw up his hands. "How about this, I will send an agent to check on her DNA. If by some **bizarre **fluke it turns out that she is a mutant, I will **personally** break into the prison and rescue her! However if it turns out as I suspect that she is human, I never want to hear anything about Martha Stewart again as long as I live! Understand?"

"That sounds fair," Pyro grinned happily. "Well I'm off, those fires won't burn by themselves. Cheerio!"

"Of all the Brotherhood I had to keep **him!**" Magneto groaned as Pyro happily skipped away.

"Hard day sir?" Magneto's personal butler Winters asked as he walked in.

"Winters, please remind me **again** why I don't just kill Pyro and put him out of my misery?" Magneto asked.

"For starters sir you will need every mutant you can get now for your future plans," Winters stated. "One mutant is worth at least ten soldiers. We cannot afford…"

"To lose even one, yes I know…" Magneto sighed. "And…"

"His DNA will be valuable for future projects," Winters continued.

"Yes," Magneto sighed. "Of course I could just shove him into a stasis pod or something."

"And the funds from his writing go straight into our account sir," Winters went on.

"Oh yes his little gothic romance novel hobby," Magneto sighed.

"That 'hobby' sir has paid for at least two pulsar cannons," Winters pointed out. "Pyro has become very devoted to the cause. If he was…removed it might cause some questions among your troops. It took a while for them to get over the former Brotherhood boys if you recall."

"Yes well those idiots were incompetent," Magneto told him. "Two cannons, eh?"

"Yes sir," Winters nodded.

"HELLO CLEVLAND! OR WHEREVER WE ARE!" They heard Pyro shouting. "IT'S KAREOKE TIME!"

"Whereas Pyro is merely insane?" Winters raised an eyebrow.

"Exactly…" Magneto sighed.

"There is always a chance he could get killed one of these days, sir," Winters offered.

"COME BACK HERE AND DIE LIKE A MAN!" Lorna screamed as she and several other female recruits chased Pyro around the floor.

"By my own troops yes," Magneto sighed.

"Come on girls! I'm merely trying to help the cause of female liberation!" Pyro cried out.

"BURNING OUR BRAS AND UNDERWEAR IS NOT HELPING ANYONE YOU DEMENTED PYROMANIAC!" Shiva shouted as she swung a sword in each of her four hands at him.

"I should have at least kept my children," Magneto moaned as he put his head in his hands. Or at least Wanda."

"Oh dear," Winters noticed as he looked out of the window of Magneto's office. "I believe we need to repair another wall…"

"So Wanda wanted to kill me?" Magneto thought. "I could live with that."

"Not according to her," Winters pointed out.

"TAKE OFF MY NEW DRESS YOU FREAK!" Lorna shouted.

"_I feel pretty! Oh so Pretty!" _Pyro sang as he wore a green dress over his uniform.

"THAT'S IT! PREPARE TO DIE!" Shiva shouted.

"Blob wasn't so bad," Magneto mused. "Okay I've seen garbage disposals more picky than him but at least he kept his mouth shut…When he wasn't eating."

_"I feel pretty! And I pity any girl who can't make fire dragons today!" _ Pyro conjured up a huge fire dragon and was chasing the girls around.

"Avalanche I could deal with," Magneto sighed. "Then there was Quicksilver…And Toad…Who am I kidding?"

"WHEN MY FATHER GETS THROUGH WITH YOU PYRO!" Lorna shouted. "YEOW!"

"And there goes yet **another** wall," Winters watched the insanity.

"I think it's time for me to go look for more recruits…" Magneto walked away.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Well another day another dead end," Magneto sighed as he walked in. He noticed the scorch marks on the wall. "I take it Pyro has been amusing himself in my absence?"

"Father you have got to do something about him!" Lorna snapped. "I don't care how powerful he is! He needs to be controlled. Preferably with an electric leash!"

"Fine I'll do something!" Magneto sighed. "Where is he?"

"I sent him out on an errand," Winters told him.

"What kind of errand?" Lorna asked.

"Something I think might amuse you sir," Winters turned on a television monitor.

"Next on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous," Robin Leech intoned. "We see Graydon Creed's fabulous yacht. It has an onboard swimming pool, crystal chandeliers, solid gold bathtubs and a huge fire on the front deck."

"MY YACHT!" Graydon Creed screamed. "GET AWAY FROM MY YACHT YOU STINIKNG…YEOWW!"

Creed was being chased around by a fire knight on horseback. "The damages to this blaze can easily reach up to the one million dollar range," Robin spoke.

"WILL YOU STOP HAMMING FOR THE CAMERA AND GET SOMEONE TO HELP ME HERE?" Creed shouted as he ran for his life.

"I love caviar!" Pyro laughed as he swiped some goodies. At the sound of police sirens he ran off laughing. "This is Pyro giving you all champagne wishes and caviar dreams. Or in Creed's case caviar nightmares! Ta ta!"

"Now this is something I've always wanted to see on that show," Lorna snickered.

"I knew he was good for **something**," Magneto mused. "Good idea Winters."

"Thank you sir," Winters handed him a piece of paper. "There is this one…other matter."

"What do you mean?" Magneto asked as he read it. "Oh god no!"

"Bad news Father?" Lorna asked.

"The worst…" Magneto groaned. "Prepare some pods. I need to take a trip for a…recruiting mission. I should have known! I should have **known!** No **human** would be able to figure out how to make thirty one place settings out of a handful of leaves and some rubber bands!"


End file.
